I think that we can all agree that these past 6 months have been WILD. 2020 seemed like a year full of promise and clarity, but was quickly turned on its head. For many people, they are feeling fear and division like they’ve never known. I can understand that, because this year has held so much uncertainty and conflict. But for me, it truly has been a year of promise and clarity. Let me explain before you assume I’m ignoring what’s going on in the world.
Through March, April, and May, I was fighting a lot of depression and anxiety about my future, my relationships with others, and my identity. I spent a lot of time listening to the world and doubting God. How could He tell me to go on this mission trip only to have Covid happen and my plans change? How could His people be so hateful to one another and justify it under His name? Did my friends really want me to be there or was I just invited out of sympathy? Does God actually love me and take care of me like He said He will? How could He love me when all I do is mess up?
It was a tough few months. But whenever I caught myself going through these thought patterns I had to stop myself and replace the lies with the truth. God knew what would happen when He called me to the World Race. His people aren’t perfect and need grace and mercy. I am loved and valued by God and the people He’s put around me. He’s chosen me to show a side of Him that no one else will ever be able to show. I am His beloved daughter and nothing I ever do could mess up His plan for me or cause Him to stop loving me. Fighting for the truth was so difficult at times, but for every step I took, I could see God’s blessing more and more.
Before Covid, so much of my relationship with God happened inside church services or small group settings. But when that was taken away, I realized that God was giving me the opportunity to take ownership of my faith. It was up to me to spend time with Him, seek out His voice, and make space for His presence. This was so difficult at the beginning, which I think led to a lot of my anxiety and depression. I’m still figuring it out, but I love how He celebrates every minute I spend with Him. I’ve heard God’s voice more clearly and frequently in the past few weeks than I ever have in my life and so much of that has just been Him telling me how much He loves me and showing me how to be His daughter.
Our church services moved online, so my friends and I instead started meeting for house church every Sunday. Honestly, I don’t think church will ever be the same for me after this. We worship together, invite God into the room, and share our hearts with one another. Instead of following the church, we became the church and followed God. We became like the early church, gathering together in homes, worshipping and joining together in communion. Through this, I’ve been able to see how intimately God desires His children and the incredible gifts He’s given us. I thought I enjoyed church and worship before, but it’s now become something I crave.
During the past 6 months, I’ve gotten the chance to realign myself and reset. I’ve learned what is important and how to take care of myself first. God has shown me what it means to rest in Him and has renewed a hunger in me. It would’ve been easy to have spent this time feeding into the chaos or binge watching every streaming service available (trust me, that’s been a big temptation), but we both know that would’ve just left me in a worse state than I started in. I knew saying yes to God wouldn’t always be the most comfortable or popular option, but it would be the most fulfilling. Many of the yeses I said to God recently have been exchanges. Exchanging anxiety for peace, chains for promises, doubt for even greater faith. Each one has shown me that saying yes to God will always be better than saying yes to the world.
