Fasting My Vision Ch. 2: Literally Walking by Faith

This blog is a continuation of the story of God asking me to fast my sight! Make sure you read my first blog, The Day I Decided Not to See before reading Chapter 2.

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Upon arriving to debrief, I opened up to Alayna and Kev, the other two logistics coordinators,  pretty quickly about what was going on, because I knew I’d need help. With the rest of the squad, I started out on a need-to-know basis. Which meant most of the squad didn’t understand why I was constantly squinting or asking seemingly obvious questions.

As the week progressed, however, I found myself mentioning it to more and more people simply because of those questions that they didn’t understand why I asked. A few people even wanted a more in-depth explanation of what I was doing and why. It was so fun to get to share this fast with them, knowing that they also had faith God would keep his promise.

Several of my squadmates even wanted to join me in prayer. Sweet Jenna felt called to pray for me every day until God healed my eyes and restored my sight. Many others would randomly come up and ask to pray over me in the moment, and who knows how many have taken this prayer request directly to the Lord.

I also specifically asked for our squad leader, Ari, to pray for me in what’s called a freedom session. During this, we essentially engaged in spiritual warfare as she began speaking out God’s truth and casting out any spirits of the enemy trying to keep me living in lies. I wish I could say that my eyes were restored in this time (and a large part of me believed they would be), but I had been wanting the freedom session even before God asked me to fast my sight. Which means I had other things I needed to clear out before God would clear my sight. 

During the session, I got an image of myself kneeling and watching one single bucket. Behind me were several other buckets that were being filled up with rain but I couldn’t see them because I was so focused on the one in front of me. I even heard myself asking, “God, why aren’t you doing anything?!”  I realized in this vision that God was doing so much during that freedom session, but I had to stop focusing on Him healing my sight to be able to know what else He was doing. 

Wow. I certainly had been fighting frustration and disappointment as the session drew to a close and my sight remained the same.

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One thing our squad has been learning about is the spiritual gifts found in Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12, and Ephesians 4. We specifically take time during worship to practice these, such as words of knowledge or wisdom, prophecy, speaking in tongues, and healing. During one of these worship nights, Jacken felt the Lord telling him that was the night I would be healed.

So he, Jenna, and 3 other people from our squad began praying over me. In keeping with John 9, they even put mud on my eyes from the nearby creek! As they were praying, the only thing I could say was, “Yes God.” I was ready and willing for him to heal me. While I’m still not entirely sure what happened during this time, I do know that I was slain (or laid out) in the Holy Spirit. I physically felt the presence of the Spirit so heavily that I could not stand. Thankfully, they were praying for me on all sides and were able to catch me as I started to fall.

After they prayed, my sight still had not been changed, but I remembered the image God gave me of the buckets and knew that I shouldn’t get frustrated because He didn’t do what I had expected Him to. I mean, I was physically overcome by the Spirit. Obviously He had done SOMETHING. One of the guys praying for me, Jerome, said he felt like I was supposed to wash off the mud in the same creek where the mud came from. This should be fun, I thought. It was nighttime, and the best way down into the creek was to climb off the bride and onto a rock. If you know me, you know that l frequently hike and enjoy hopping my way across the creeks. But those times weren’t at night with limited sight.

My friends helped me down and told me how best to get close enough to wash my face in the running water. After a few splashes, I looked up to the bridge and big rock I had stepped down onto and noticed details I hadn’t seen before. 

What?!?! 

They encouraged me to keep washing my face to make sure every bit of mud was gone before helping me back out. As we gathered back up under the porch light, Jerome asked, “On a scale of 1-10, where was your sight before and where is it now?”

I thought for a moment. “Probably a 4 before, and now about a 6.”

Everyone erupted in cheers, “Wow!!” “Look at God!” “That’s crazy!”

It wasn’t the full healing I had been hoping for, but it was healing still. God was still good, and still keeping His promise.

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The very next day was our squad fun day, which meant we would be doing the high ropes course at the camp and I was PUMPED. I had only done a high ropes course once before, in high school, so I couldn’t wait to get to climb up and monkey around again. 

As our group geared up and began trekking up to the starting platform, I found myself at the front of the line. I realized it may not be the best idea for the girl with limited sight to lead the pack, so instead I went 2nd. 

We got strapped in and I followed Josiah’s example in navigating the various obstacles. One of said obstacles solely consisted of a single wire and ropes hanging about 6 feet apart to cling to as you balanced your way across. Scary even for people with 20/20 vision. (Sorry mom! You know I always dreamed of being a trapeze artist lol.) When we had made it about halfway through, God decided to make it even more fun and brought in a rain shower. And I don’t just mean a sprinkle of rain. I’m talking summer storm rain. I think I amazed the squad members around me by responding in laughter. This daredevil side of me had been hidden away for quite a while, and it felt so freeing to be able to throw caution into the wind.

After completing the course, I waited with the group who had not yet gone under the shelter. I stood there, watching the rain and decided to throw caution into the wind once more. I stepped out and danced in the rain. Laughing and throwing my head back to the sky, I embraced it. I high fived everyone coming down the hill rushing for coverage. I cheered on those still navigating the course. 

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When I was reflecting back at the end of the day, I heard the Lord whisper, “My brave little girl.”

Something I forgot to mention was that, before Jacken and the others asked to pray for me with the mud, I had been asking God, “what was I like as a little girl? Before getting affected by the world and all of its weight and expectations, who did you create me to be?”

He brought to mind so many memories from my childhood. Times when I had danced in the rain, played church with my grandparents, and relished being the center of attention (like making the entire month of December my birthday celebration). As a child, I was bold. I was sassy. I sought the Lord and loved what He loved. And somewhere along the way, I let the world diminish that fierceness.

But that day, I got a piece of that little girl back. I was bold in going first and danced with abandon in the rain. I could feel the Father’s joy in doing all of this with me.

I think that’s part of what happened during our time of muddy prayer. God took away the weight of the world. He held me in his arms and, as we washed away the mud from my eyes, he washed away the mud that kept his little girl from shining through.

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Of course, the story doesn’t end here. We finished up our time in Costa Rica and traveled to the Dominican Republic with my partly-restored sight. Want to know what happened as we entered a new country that I can’t *fully* see? Click here for Chapter 3!