This is the 3rd and final blog of my series about fasting my vision! Before reading, make sure you’ve read my first and second blogs about this journey.
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Coming into the Dominican Republic, I felt pretty lost. God, I thought you were going to heal me by now. What happened? When are you going to finally heal me? This was supposed to be it. In World Race terms, however, I was just beginning to enter my stage of brokenness.
While we were still at debrief, our squad went through a process of team changes. My first team, the Mosaic Daughters, intentionally spent time together praying for our new teams and that we would continue to grow, no matter if we were together again or not.
Well, the Lord must have had a good chuckle during this time of prayer, because I prayed for Rachel, then Rachel prayed for Jenna. And guess what? Both of them happened to be on my new team! Also on my new team was Sarah, who I had been having movie nights with in Jacó, and Jenna Burton from the team EK. To top it all off, our team leader turned out to be my (now former) Logistics teammate, Alayna!
As I’ve gotten to sit and reflect on this new team, I’m realizing the Lord’s goodness. Of course, I’m ecstatic with the friends that I’m doing life with. But He also knew that I’d be struggling with the brokenness of not being able to see and not knowing when the full healing would come. These women were people I had already begun relationships with, so I was able to come to them more easily with my doubts and vulnerabilities. They held my hand (often literally) and encouraged me, prayed for me, and pointed me back to Christ.
Another example of the goodness of God is in the fact that my team was not assigned a specific ministry to work with while in the Dominican Republic. This meant our ministry would be what’s called “Ask the Lord,” or ATL. In a sense, God was our ministry host and would be telling us where to go and what to do. This was a blessing because several of our team members had various health and family issues within the first week of arriving in the country. I had a migraine, some had colds, and others had some sort of stomach bug in addition to needing to spend time interceding for family members back home. We were all struggling, which would have only been worse if we were with a ministry that had a schedule and expectations required of us. Instead, though, we were able to take the first several days to rest, realign ourselves with the Father, and take care of ourselves as a team before trying to do any outreach.
Most of our time in the Dominican Republic was spent traveling around, because we all felt like the Lord told us to be nomadic for the month. We began in Santiago, went up to Puerto Plata, then journeyed down to Santo Domingo and then across to Punta Cana. In total, we had 8 travel days within one month! It was constantly a challenge for me with my limited sight, because as soon as I would get comfortable in a location, we would move and go somewhere new and unfamiliar.
Another obstacle I faced because of my sight was the simple fact that I couldn’t see everything that my team could. When they discussed people that God had highlighted to them on the streets, I realized that if the person was more than 5 feet away, I would miss them completely. I also couldn’t do day to day activities alone, such as cooking or grocery shopping. These were all things that could easily cause frustration, anxiety, and doubt to rise up within me. I quickly noticed that if I allowed the emotions to fester and take over my mind, I would become irritable and bitter, withdrawing from my team.
The solution for these emotions, of course, was Jesus. Every time I began to feel unsettled or get upset, I would have to stop and ask Jesus to help me realign my thoughts and feelings with his truth. I was surrendering over and over again, letting him guide me through the day.
Finally, at the end of our time in the Dominican Republic, my squad and I came back together for another debrief. During one of the first sessions, we discussed freedom and what that looks like in God’s kingdom. We were given time to sit with God and reflect on what it looks like to walk in freedom, and if there is anything currently keeping us from doing so.
As I sat there, I heard God whisper, “You can put your contacts back in.”
What?? Are you sure God? Is it really that simple??
But he said it. No big moment, nothing fancy. Just a gentle word of permission. I put in my contacts and celebrated with my teammates around me. I asked God why now, and he reminded me of all the times I kept handing over my fears and frustrations rather than letting them pull me down. All the times I was obedient and waited on his timing rather than giving up and putting my contacts in. I focused on him and gained freedom from so many spirits, like isolation and fear of not being in control.
No, it’s not the physical healing that I expected. I’m not disappointed though. God is still good and he’s still faithful. By fasting my vision, I learned how to rely on him fully. I gained a new depth of intimacy with my Father, and that is so much better than any physical healing could ever be.
